I am my father's daughter (well, mom's too)

I'm wanting to kick myself over and over again for the torment that I put my kids through. My controlling behavior, the need to make sure every little thing is in order and that my kids are following my orders to a "t."

Reminded of the days of my youth. I was terrified if I messed up. If I lost something or spilled a drink, I would get the wrath of my parents. Of course, today they love to sit around and laugh about how I would have panic attacks because I wasn't organized enough in the mornings to get on the bus and would forget something 30 seconds before the bus even arrived.

I can see me doing the same thing to my kids. Although, I don't freak out about accidents I will lose it when they wont wear clothes we spent a lot of money on, or lost something that was expensive (notice money is the issue here), or when they wont eat their dinner or clean their room. All of which I said I would never treat them the way I was treated. Vows, should never make them. Woops! Hard habit to break.

Sofia my darling little angle who is the sweetest of the all caught my ranting about her snow hat being lost. That I had asked time and time again for her to look for it and yet, I know it's gone...she will not find it, but I want her to "feel bad" so she has learned her lesson. In the mean time, she feels bad because she learned a lesson and is now having a panic attacks, feeling ashamed and guilty. Where I differ from from parents is the fact that I do apologize to my kids for my rash behavior. I expect my kids to keep in control and then I act just like a child myself and expect them to just accept it.

Change has to happen and soon. I want to have a good relationship with my kids now. Not 20 years down the road when they've grown up to realize (like I had) that my mom and dad did the best they could and I love them no matter what. I also don't want them as damaged and have to learn how to modify their behavior when they become adults.

I pray that Jesus will save me from myself and direct me to chill out in the future.

A brilliant man

This post is dedicated to Whitney Harris. If you don't know who he is, you should look it up. He was a prosecutor for the Nuremberg Trials. He also is a very good friend of mines step father. I've had the great honor of meeting this man and I truly find him to be one of the most amazing intelligent human being on earth. And only know him briefly, I am forever touched by his wisdom. Enjoy:

http://www.prx.org/pieces/13571-this-i-believe-whitney-harris#description

A new site! I lke her attitude!

http://www.healthy-diet-mom.com/healthy-eating-plan.html

Finally did it

I've started the process...basement is getting unpacked and organized. Lot's thrown away and put away! Yeah us!

By the way, I've lost 18 pounds.

Sunday

Went to see a movie with the girls and their friends on Saturday. We saw a Christmas Carol (not in 3D). I believe this will be the new classic. Fantastic. I'll have to go see the 3D with David. Although there are some fabulous films left to be seen this year.

The day continued to raking leaves and more friends running around the hood. I love it when all the kids are at our house. Growing up, it was not really like that. Not that Mom and Dad didn't want us to have a houseful of friends, we just lived in the country and few neighbors. That was fine, we had lots of animals and several acres to explore. That's where my imagination took blossomed and overcame me.

Insightful. I need to spend more time daydreaming about Jesus, worship and prayer! Life would be balanced if I could use my time a little more wisely.

Thus, good bye for now. We need to figure out where to put the tree this year!

Weekends are a bummer

This is the time when everyone is home...all day. That means more work. I need to set a plan into motion about how to keep the house from being destroyed the minute they wake up.

We had a great day!

Michael and I had so much fun today. The kids had friends over and we played Pac Man tag outside. Dinner for the family was simple tonight...Breakfast. One of the friends asked why we were eating breakfast food at dinner. And if we do that, would we eat dinner at breakfast? I said sure! Why not?

I did not get to the basement tonight, to many distractions. I still feel like I accomplished so much today! The upstairs looks great, I fed the kids, spent time with them and took care of myself a little, too.

Lord, I thank you for the little things and the big things. You are an amazing God! I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. I pray that you cover our leaders in our nation, protect the pre-born, protect the children, cover the church leaders around the worlds with protection! Amen.